Apr 26, 2018
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When the #metoo movement became toxic, it violated emotional
boundaries.
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Many think Boundaries are just about preventing people from
taking advantage of you. Like, your mom shouldn’t be interfering in
your dispute at work. Or your patient shouldn’t be showing up at
your kid’s birthday party. Or you shouldn’t just let strangers
invade your private space.
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But that’s not the most important definition of Boundaries in
psychology.
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Healthy psychological boundaries mean that you take full
responsibility for your actions and emotions… and do not take
responsibility for the actions and emotions of others.
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For example, when we date, we have the freedom to say, at any
time, “This isn’t working out,” and to end the relationship. The
other person has the same freedom.
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Boundary violations occur when you disown your choices and try
to lay the responsibility for them on someone else.
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This is what happens when your spouse doesn’t let you go out
with your friends because he gets too jealous that you’re having
fun without him. That’s a boundary violation.
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It’s a boundary violation when your mom won’t let you take that
job promotion overseas because she would miss you too much.
<br></br>
It’s a boundary violation when your date makes you responsible
for her feelings and actions and does not take responsibility for
her own feelings and actions.
<br></br>
When the #metoo movement, which started as “empowerment through
empathy”, which is a beautiful and good cause… and sharing
devastating, heartbreaking stories of sexual assault… then devolved
into witch hunts and public shaming based on unproven accusations
of micro aggressions with no due process for the accusers… it
became toxic.
<br></br>
Shaming is a primary weapon of the toxic kind of #metoo. And
shaming is a common tactic of narcissistic personality disordered
people.
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We should *empathise* with one another, not *be* one
another.
<br></br>
I can’t feel your feelings for you. I can’t think for you. I
can’t behave for you. I can’t work through your pain or suffering
for you. I can’t grow for you; only you can. Likewise, you can’t
grow for me.
<br></br>
You are responsible for yourself. I am responsible for
myself.
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*****
<br></br>
For a more detailed exposition of my views on toxic #metoo, see
my recent podcast here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/podcast/metoo-become-toxic/
<br></br>
*****
<br></br>
For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D., has helped hundreds of
thousands of people from over 87 countries find happiness, success,
and fulfillment in their social, professional, and love lives. His
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clients with insights into their behavior, psychology, and keys to
their empowerment.
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His training methodologies are the result of over a decade of
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*****
<br></br>
For transcriptions and more free resources, go here:
https://www.davidtianphd.com/psychology/metoo-violates-mens-boundaries/
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